just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
