anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
