So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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