I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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