I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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