She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Come on in and take your pants off
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