my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize