Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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