I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
