you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
