giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
