she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize