I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
