The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
