apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Houston, we have a blender
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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