Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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