Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
