k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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