Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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