With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
