Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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