YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
