I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
