Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
