Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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