He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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