This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
