i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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