i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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