K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
