Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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