Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
