How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
the liver wants what the liver wants
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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