i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
