i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
