is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
