ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
