her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
