So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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