I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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