dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
