Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
