He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
