when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
