I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
