I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
