i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
