I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
