That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
