Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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