Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
